Lapis Lazuli
Title Lapis Lazuli
Pages 3
Rating -
Snow Queen (story)
A Very Deep Chasm

Lapis Lazuli is a three-page Oglaf story. It introduces the character Vanka.



The treasure is guarded.

Vanka, a thief, rappels into a chamber containing a large idol with jeweled eyes, but is confronted by a pair of monks. The monks tell her they have a secret that makes them undefeatable in battle. Reading "Purity Is Strength" on the idol, Vanka immediately proceeds to seduce the monks and defeats them easily, then makes off with the idol's jewels.

The monks replace the idol jewels with new ones, and replace "Purity Is Strength" on the idol with "We Fear Bees".

Featured charactersEdit

Bold text means that this is the first appearance of the character.


  • A pious punch in the nose.
  • A word and a blow.
  • Thank you, cover of Players' Handbook.


  • Lapis Lazuli is a real world semi-precious gemstone that has been prized since ancient times for its intense blue color.
  • The altar in the story is based on David A. Trampier's cover of the first edition AD&D Player's Handbook
  • The authors explained the reason the monks wrote "We fear bees" as "We fear bees" was a random thing the monks wrote to protect their true power. Random and silly.[1]


  1. Twitter account 31 May, 2011


Lapis Lazuli